Exams r finally over.. The past 3 weeks seems like at endless nightmare initially.. scary.. now its over.. but awaiting the results is more of the torture.. its like facing the reality in 2 weeks.. I m fearful of it.. really scared of facing it.. I did my best this semester but I feel so negative of my results.. I dunno.. I have been praying praying.. the peace comes n the devil knocks later n fear creeps back.. I feel so useless.. Its something so inside of me.. the feeling of worthlessness... Just losing confidence of things.. I need people to encourage me to support me in this journey.

There are some people I particularly remember during this tough journey. My study group keith, yoshi, hubert, bruce, william, sally, YJ, Paul, they have been with me on this journey.. People that I really appreciate.. They r just so dear to my heart. They have seen me when I m down.. seen me when I was worn out n on the verge of giving up. I m glad to have this bunch of friends.. Always thank and Praise God for them.

On the day of my first paper, I am touched to have the company of Moses, Leeping n Yoshi who walked me to the exam hall.. the time they take to accompany me comforted my anxious heart.. Thanks guys! I am so glad u went the extra mile for me.. It was crucial that day.. serious no joke!

My first paper was a horror shock for all of us.. So horrible that when I think of it now.. I shiver.. For all I have written in my 3 papers.. I have absolutely no idea how much is it worth. Thinking abt it now is purely useless n destructive to my life.. I dun wan it to be this way.. It should never be like this.. I hate it.. All I can do now is to pray continuously and I trust that its in God's hands. His plan for me will enfold slowing..Beautifully because I am precious in his eyes, his beloved daughter who can run to him at any time.. I recieved some sms during the exam period from OCFers n I was particularly encouraged by addielle..The words she used I always felt so uplifted. Its like God speaking to me face to face. Especially the sms she sent on Wed morning when I was at the point of breaking.. Suddenly I saw the light of God shining through her words.. I believe she is the vessel used powerfully in my life by God at that moment.. Thank you so much sis.. This period, I felt closer n more belonged to the family of God stronger than before.. Many days when I woke up.. I could feel HIM in my room literally.. Its unbelievable.. But its true.. Exams are actually a good thing..

This exam period I was staying out a lot with friends.. firstly with yoshi then west terrace then in the village with Leny until I became really sick last thursday until Sunday.. Its a bad time to fall sick..Each day was feeling worse than before.. though I rested most of the day.. took all my pills.. kept warm.. drink hot water.. but still ended up feeling horrible.. my brain literally couldnt function at all.. couldnt think.. once I think a bit.. headache comes back.. fever on n off.. coupled with flu n sore throat n that was enough.. I was just plainly fragile.. Sad.. but that period of time.. I can see the concern n love of many.. Thanks guys!

Now exams are finally over.. I am going to sdyney soon.. 4th July.. Be back on 12th July.. Going for Bluemountain camp.. I am excited abt it.. I wish it can come soon..

I am hurting on the inside..who knows except God? Who understands except God? The last two weeks I have been scolded for no reason by some people whom are really close to me. Because of 1 person, I was misunderstood by my close friend today. Its so hurting.. I saw her today but I didnt say a word to her not because I have not forgiven her. I have forgiven her and I still love n treasure her as my dearest sister in Christ but I want to protect myself in this time where I need to focus on my exams and to find rest in God. I forgave her though she made no apology. Today was the only time she did not talk to me at all. Imagine how I feel.. A close friend seeing u yet not speaking to u at all..I dun wish to say more.. I am weak and frail myself though I didnt show very much. I need the support and prayers of my closest as well. I am a human being. There is a limit to how much I can take and how much I can accept. I am trying my best for my exams as well as leaning against my Master n my God.

Psalm 62

5 Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.
6 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

After our exams, I really want to find time to spend with her just to talk to her to listen to her. But not now.. I really couldnt do it now..

I was told some things which I couldn't believe just now. Its unbelievable because it is critical of my close friend's character. Its about someone whom I thought I know so well. But somehow or another I am affected. I guess its because of the close relationship we shared. I believe its the devil's doing to tamper with our mind, to deceive us into believing his lie. I guess the devil tests us at one point or another to cause conflict n doubt between us. I spoke to a friend just now. She told me to trust my instinct and not on people's words. I m trying to. I shall put this issue aside for now. Focus on my exams first. Its the immediate issue..

The only way I can put the issue down is to tell God about it. Pour out my troubles to him. Thats the only way I can feel uplifted in my spirit.

Proverbs 3

5Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.

6Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths.

Psalms 45:13 -15 ->
' All glorious is the princess within her chamber; her gown is interwoven with gold. In embroided garments she is led to the king; her virgin companions follow her and are brought to you. They are led with joy and gladness; they enter the palace of the king.'

My Precious Princess and Daughter -

I do love you. In fact, you are the apple of My eye - very precious and important. You are never out of My thoughts. I want the very best for you. Even in the darkest moments, remember that.

I know you don't feel My love all the time but that doesnt't mean I've stopped loving you. It only means that something has temporarily blocked our communication. Examine your heart to see what has come between us.

In the meantime, remember that nothing can take My love away from you or diminish its depth. And when you doubt it, just remind yourself that I proved My great love for you by sending My only Son, Jesus, to die for you. Yes --for you. Even if you were the only person ever alive, I would have still sent Him. Because I love you. Have faith in Me, trust Me, know My love.

Lovingly,
Your Heavenly Father, the King

A few days ago, I realised that I have successfully passed the 3rd test I had from God this year. I passed it 2 weeks ago but I only realised it much later. It happened so naturally n I didnt feel forced at all. Its a blessing. Initially when I got the test in March, I found it super hard. One test is always harder than the other. My 1st test from him was hard enough n I was once struggling badly. But I was able to overcome it with his strength and our relationship was even better than before. The second test I had tested my pride n my adaptability. I made a decision that I felt that it was against my will. If not for the holy spirit within me. I would have been rebellious and refused to listen to my Father. But at the last minute before the decision was made. I was deeply convicted in my heart to go in the way he wants me to walk it. Its a good decision. I am glad I was submissive to his voice n I am still now.

Deuteronomy 26

17 You have declared this day that the LORD is your God and that you will walk in his ways, that you will keep his decrees, commands and laws, and that you will obey him.