Today, I found myself with God once again. This week is the second week after my exams. This week I must confess that I didnt pray much. I admit I am slack. Noone can pass any judgement on me because we have been there n done that. No matter how senior u r in leading bible study or even leading a church. We have been there still. I was a backslider a few years back before I came to adelaide. I remember the sermon that Uncle Vincent preached last sunday at AACC. He preached about a man who was once a backslider but still God could turn the situation around and use him mighty to influence others. There are some of us brothers n sisters whom have backslided before but now we have changed because God changed us. These few days, God has been calling me by name n urging me to seek his face. But I did not come back to him until this morning, I came home to him. I went back to my Daddy. I went back not because he is urging me. I went back willingly. I went back because I need him to live each day. I need him to survive. But more importantly, its because I love Him n he is God. For some of u, u make not understand. Its not something that can be explained. I went back. I am secure again.
I confessed to Janice how I really felt today. I am guilty for turning my back against God though it was for just a few days. I am guilty. Yes, I am but not anymore because I went back to Him. I know he will forgive me n cleanse me once again. Just now Li Chang send me a link to the sermon which he was listening to. I listened to it n God used it to speak to me.
He spoke about prayer is like breathing. When u pray, u r breathing the air of heaven. When we pray, we are adding oil to our lamp. He asked me to come back to Him. He promised that I can find him if I seek Him with all my heart. All these I read in my bible many times before but sometimes they still slip my mind. But in that instant, he strengthened it all. He magnified it all. Indeed, he is my God. He could perceive my thoughts. I can never hide from him.
God is using everyone around me. He is. In ways that seem simple but its also easy for us to stray away. But God always has a way out for us. For most of today, I spent listening to the song "we are the reason", mediating on the words n allowing it to sink in me n letting God speak to me. I wan to listen to him. I REFUSE to rebel against Him. I am turning my face towards him again. He has allowed me to turn my face towards him again. Again, I can say I love u.. Again I can say I obey u.. Again I can say I seek u.. Again I can say, Father lead me n guide me.. Daddy u r there.. loving me.. cherishing me..
Today I am so happy.. I am so refreshed by God.. Noone can give me what he can give me. Noone..yes, noone.
Continuously annoint me with ur oil, continuously fill my lamp as I continuously seek u, Father.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
I am listening to the song my committee back in Sydney have chosen for our team.. A month ago, they emailed the mp3 of this song to me. But all I did was read their mail but I did not listen to the song. I am guilty, yes, I was. There is no excuse I should give myself. No excuse is acceptable.
We have chosen the song entitled : We are the reason by Kaffe Matthews
As little children
We would dream of Christmas morn
Of all the gifts and toys
We knew we'd find
But we never realized
A baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift of our lives
We were the reason
That He gave His life
We were the reason
That He suffered and died
To a world that was lost
He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live
As the years went by
We learned more about gifts
The giving of ourselves
And what that means
On a dark and cloudy day
A man hung crying in the rain
All because of love, all because of love
I've finally found the reason for living
It's in giving every part of my heart to Him
In all that I do every word that I say
I'll be giving my all just for Him, for Him
He is my reason to live
I like this song, not just because the music is nice but because the lyrics is meaningful to me. The first time I heard this song, I am touched by the lyrics. I know its a song not chosen by a human but by God. I can see his hand moving among us. This song ministered to me, to my needs, God used this song to meet me where I am, Indeed he is there.
We are indeed precious in God eyes and it reminds us of how Christ had to endure the cross for our sins. He is the reason we live and let us continue to live it for Him.
The following passage is shared by Aaron, my dearest team leader for our coming mission trip.
(John 15:1-17)
1"I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser.
2Every branch of mine that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.
3Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you.
4Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.
5I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.
6If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned.
7If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.
8By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples.
9As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love.
10If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love.
11These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.
12"This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.
13Greater love has no one than this, that someone lays down his life for his friends.
14You are my friends if you do what I command you.
15No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. 16You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.
17These things I command you, so that you will love one another.
I want to abide in you Father, YES, I will..
We have chosen the song entitled : We are the reason by Kaffe Matthews
As little children
We would dream of Christmas morn
Of all the gifts and toys
We knew we'd find
But we never realized
A baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift of our lives
We were the reason
That He gave His life
We were the reason
That He suffered and died
To a world that was lost
He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live
As the years went by
We learned more about gifts
The giving of ourselves
And what that means
On a dark and cloudy day
A man hung crying in the rain
All because of love, all because of love
I've finally found the reason for living
It's in giving every part of my heart to Him
In all that I do every word that I say
I'll be giving my all just for Him, for Him
He is my reason to live
I like this song, not just because the music is nice but because the lyrics is meaningful to me. The first time I heard this song, I am touched by the lyrics. I know its a song not chosen by a human but by God. I can see his hand moving among us. This song ministered to me, to my needs, God used this song to meet me where I am, Indeed he is there.
We are indeed precious in God eyes and it reminds us of how Christ had to endure the cross for our sins. He is the reason we live and let us continue to live it for Him.
The following passage is shared by Aaron, my dearest team leader for our coming mission trip.
(John 15:1-17)
1"I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser.
2Every branch of mine that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.
3Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you.
4Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.
5I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.
6If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned.
7If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.
8By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples.
9As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love.
10If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love.
11These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.
12"This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.
13Greater love has no one than this, that someone lays down his life for his friends.
14You are my friends if you do what I command you.
15No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. 16You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.
17These things I command you, so that you will love one another.
I want to abide in you Father, YES, I will..
Friday, November 24, 2006
I didnt do anything much yesterday. I was resting most of the time. Half the time I was thinking about various people, about the change they had throughout the year whether is it negative change or positive change. Its unwise for me to think that much n that far. But still I went that direction. The other half of the time I was either reading or watching drama.
I need some space for myself. I really feel like going home this time. I miss home. My flight home will be on 2nd dec. I just spoke with Ziren yesterday. In another week, I will be home. I can see her soon.
This trip home, I got to find a new church because I will not go back to my previous church. Reasons which I will not cite here. This trip home, I yearn to have discipleship. I already approached someone about it and I am hoping for a favourable reply. The summer break, I really need some proper rest in order to be ready for the challenges for next year. There is so much I want to do at home. So much so much...
My results r not out yet. Its really too slow this time. Waiting.. Waiting..
I need some space for myself. I really feel like going home this time. I miss home. My flight home will be on 2nd dec. I just spoke with Ziren yesterday. In another week, I will be home. I can see her soon.
This trip home, I got to find a new church because I will not go back to my previous church. Reasons which I will not cite here. This trip home, I yearn to have discipleship. I already approached someone about it and I am hoping for a favourable reply. The summer break, I really need some proper rest in order to be ready for the challenges for next year. There is so much I want to do at home. So much so much...
My results r not out yet. Its really too slow this time. Waiting.. Waiting..
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
The last 2 days were fulfilling days.. 2 days of joy, peace n laughter.. Yesterday I met up with Laza for lunch, I havent been talking to him for a while cos we hardly meet, being in 2 different OCF centres. There was much catching up at Primo cafe. In that 2 hrs, I was greatly encouraged n lifted by his sharing. I am glad to have a brother who is supportive of me in his prayer. I am blessed to know someone who is keen on missions, someone whose heart is for the lost, who is obedient and submissive to God. I shared what was on my mind with him..
Met up with keith for coffee as well. I always desire quality time with my friends. Quality time as in time spent talking abt deep stuff.. not the usual daily life..
Went west terrace after that to cook with Mo n Karen. Its fun cooking with them. There was much laughter but the highlight of yesterday was our christmas party at night over at Deb's place. There were loads of great food prepared by great chefs..Haha.. There was exchange of gifts as well. I got to bug Samuel for the pictures man.. He has got them all..
Came home so late last night.. almost couldnt wake up this morning.. Thank God I wasnt late for breakfast, otherwise yoshi will be waiting too long man..hehe.. had breakie with yoshi at cibo today before prayer meet... finally had the sendimental infusion tea that I always wanted to try.. taste quite good..
I feel so tired now.. been up and about almost 2 whole days.. got to get some rest..
Met up with keith for coffee as well. I always desire quality time with my friends. Quality time as in time spent talking abt deep stuff.. not the usual daily life..
Went west terrace after that to cook with Mo n Karen. Its fun cooking with them. There was much laughter but the highlight of yesterday was our christmas party at night over at Deb's place. There were loads of great food prepared by great chefs..Haha.. There was exchange of gifts as well. I got to bug Samuel for the pictures man.. He has got them all..
Came home so late last night.. almost couldnt wake up this morning.. Thank God I wasnt late for breakfast, otherwise yoshi will be waiting too long man..hehe.. had breakie with yoshi at cibo today before prayer meet... finally had the sendimental infusion tea that I always wanted to try.. taste quite good..
I feel so tired now.. been up and about almost 2 whole days.. got to get some rest..
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Today so many things happened.. Where should I start?
I woke up early today.. about 6.20am. I slept over at Samantha's place last night. Had a long long chat with her on many topics. Exchanged thoughts.. after not meeting or talking for more than a month..there is much to catch up.. I enjoyed the time.. chat till 2am then we went to bed..
I was at yoshi's place this morning.. was with addielle and yoshi.. we were deep frying the fish fingers n nuggets.. but we were chatting most of the time.. sharing our thoughts.. I laid my thoughts n struggles before them just as I laid them bare before God.. I laid them bare before my sisters....I made no effort to hide.. no effort at all.. I love the both of them.. alot alot.. they know I do and God knows..
I shared with them the struggles of the past week.. how God wanted me to retreat from everything so that I could commune with him.. How I desire him and how much I needed him n the rest he could give me that noone else can give.. God spoke to me everyday in the past week in times when I least expect him.. he whispered something in my ears.. he wanted my whole heart not part of my heart..
2 days ago was friday, I spoke with Aaron, Paul, Ivy n Mo regarding bs leading next yr. I said that I do not want to lead bs next yr.. I said all sorts of things which now I find very self centred. I saw their anxiety in some of their faces but I didnt care.. in my mind, I wanted to do discipleship next yr.. I wan to concentrate on building myself up.. I want to go onto a higher level with God.. I needed a year off to rest so that I can proceed at greater extends n greater measures with God.. My heart desires to do more for him.. I wanted to consider bsf next year.. I wanted to consider the mission trip which siew wai is planning.. so much stuff I wan to accomplish but at my own pace. I need enough rest. God doesnt want me to strain myself or tire myself out from ministry.. My final reply to them was I will only lead if I get clear instructions from God.. otherwise I will take a year of rest from ministry.. N I mean every word I say..
Even up till 8.30am, when I was talking to addielle n yoshi.. I was still emphasising on what I said on friday.. My mind was still set on not leading bs..n I still had several demands on my group, my coleader or leader and the study we r doing.. I was just so demanding.. until I cannot stand myself also..haha.. but God has his way around me and indeed his ways r higher than mine.
I went to AACC with yoshi this morning.. I was immersed in the worship n even now the sermon n how God spoke through the sermon is still in my heart, my mind n my soul. I am still saturated with his word..
That sermon by Uncle Vincent fired up my spirit once again. God used him mighty to speak to me. I was touched to the point that I broke down in the end.
This is what God said to me at 10.30am:
Pris, this is my will in ur life to lead bible study next yr. I will prepare u in the next 3 months. I will give u more rest than u need. Seek me always, I will be sufficient for u. Trust me and come to me.
His words r still ringing in my mind. I know its a confirmation from God after being praying n thinking abt it the past week. I knew this thought is not from me.
I broke down n cried.. I willingly submitted to his will. I choose not to run away. Its foolish to run from the Almighty God. At that moment, Yoshi, keith and Aaron was with me. Yoshi was visibly touched by God too. Myra saw us.. she came over put her hands on my shoulder n prayed for me..
Just want to do a comparison between Pris at 8.30am n Pris at 10.30am
8.30am
I am unwilling to lead bs.. not only unwilling to be the leader.. not willing to be the coleader as well ( I was determined on taking one year of rest )
10.30am
After God spoke, I was willing to be used by him. I dun mind being the leader, the coleader, the member or even his servant in all aspects. ( As wat Aaron said, thats a 180 degrees change)
8.30am
I was only willing to work with certain leaders cos I have always needed a leader whom I can learn from and I m demanding of my leader, very demanding in fact. I respect all leaders but some leaders I respect more n I always observe them n I have greater expectations.
10.30am
All of a sudden, I am willing to work with any leader, be in any group.
I m amazed by this change, so is Aaron n yoshi.. its a huge change n only God can make that change.. I heed his calling.. I choose to obey him.. I choose to trust him, to love him, to give him control..
Its the best thing I did after the exams.. God is wonderful.. so wonderful.. he deserves it all..
My mind is so peaceful.. indeed it is.. after been so turmoil for so long.. as wat I told lynette the last few days it was a emotional shipwrecked.. I was struggling with the decisions I should make.. But God has made the choice for me.. I delight in him..
I am so motivated to live life to bring glory to him.
I woke up early today.. about 6.20am. I slept over at Samantha's place last night. Had a long long chat with her on many topics. Exchanged thoughts.. after not meeting or talking for more than a month..there is much to catch up.. I enjoyed the time.. chat till 2am then we went to bed..
I was at yoshi's place this morning.. was with addielle and yoshi.. we were deep frying the fish fingers n nuggets.. but we were chatting most of the time.. sharing our thoughts.. I laid my thoughts n struggles before them just as I laid them bare before God.. I laid them bare before my sisters....I made no effort to hide.. no effort at all.. I love the both of them.. alot alot.. they know I do and God knows..
I shared with them the struggles of the past week.. how God wanted me to retreat from everything so that I could commune with him.. How I desire him and how much I needed him n the rest he could give me that noone else can give.. God spoke to me everyday in the past week in times when I least expect him.. he whispered something in my ears.. he wanted my whole heart not part of my heart..
2 days ago was friday, I spoke with Aaron, Paul, Ivy n Mo regarding bs leading next yr. I said that I do not want to lead bs next yr.. I said all sorts of things which now I find very self centred. I saw their anxiety in some of their faces but I didnt care.. in my mind, I wanted to do discipleship next yr.. I wan to concentrate on building myself up.. I want to go onto a higher level with God.. I needed a year off to rest so that I can proceed at greater extends n greater measures with God.. My heart desires to do more for him.. I wanted to consider bsf next year.. I wanted to consider the mission trip which siew wai is planning.. so much stuff I wan to accomplish but at my own pace. I need enough rest. God doesnt want me to strain myself or tire myself out from ministry.. My final reply to them was I will only lead if I get clear instructions from God.. otherwise I will take a year of rest from ministry.. N I mean every word I say..
Even up till 8.30am, when I was talking to addielle n yoshi.. I was still emphasising on what I said on friday.. My mind was still set on not leading bs..n I still had several demands on my group, my coleader or leader and the study we r doing.. I was just so demanding.. until I cannot stand myself also..haha.. but God has his way around me and indeed his ways r higher than mine.
I went to AACC with yoshi this morning.. I was immersed in the worship n even now the sermon n how God spoke through the sermon is still in my heart, my mind n my soul. I am still saturated with his word..
That sermon by Uncle Vincent fired up my spirit once again. God used him mighty to speak to me. I was touched to the point that I broke down in the end.
This is what God said to me at 10.30am:
Pris, this is my will in ur life to lead bible study next yr. I will prepare u in the next 3 months. I will give u more rest than u need. Seek me always, I will be sufficient for u. Trust me and come to me.
His words r still ringing in my mind. I know its a confirmation from God after being praying n thinking abt it the past week. I knew this thought is not from me.
I broke down n cried.. I willingly submitted to his will. I choose not to run away. Its foolish to run from the Almighty God. At that moment, Yoshi, keith and Aaron was with me. Yoshi was visibly touched by God too. Myra saw us.. she came over put her hands on my shoulder n prayed for me..
Just want to do a comparison between Pris at 8.30am n Pris at 10.30am
8.30am
I am unwilling to lead bs.. not only unwilling to be the leader.. not willing to be the coleader as well ( I was determined on taking one year of rest )
10.30am
After God spoke, I was willing to be used by him. I dun mind being the leader, the coleader, the member or even his servant in all aspects. ( As wat Aaron said, thats a 180 degrees change)
8.30am
I was only willing to work with certain leaders cos I have always needed a leader whom I can learn from and I m demanding of my leader, very demanding in fact. I respect all leaders but some leaders I respect more n I always observe them n I have greater expectations.
10.30am
All of a sudden, I am willing to work with any leader, be in any group.
I m amazed by this change, so is Aaron n yoshi.. its a huge change n only God can make that change.. I heed his calling.. I choose to obey him.. I choose to trust him, to love him, to give him control..
Its the best thing I did after the exams.. God is wonderful.. so wonderful.. he deserves it all..
My mind is so peaceful.. indeed it is.. after been so turmoil for so long.. as wat I told lynette the last few days it was a emotional shipwrecked.. I was struggling with the decisions I should make.. But God has made the choice for me.. I delight in him..
I am so motivated to live life to bring glory to him.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
My exams are over.. Yes, they r over.. But I am not relieved.. My heart is weary n burdened.. My heart is burning for the mission trip that is coming up in December.. I dun want to stay in Adelaide not in Singapore either.. The trip has been on my mind for so long.. not just since July this year but since many years ago when God first impressed it on my heart.. But now frankly I am worried abt my results. I am worried that it will hinder me.. I am worried that it will change my mind.. I hate this .. I did my best. This year I studied more than I ever did in my entire life.. and I did worse than I ever did in my entire life.. But still this is the happiest year of my life..this is the year where I relied on God more than I ever did before.. this is the year he mould me n refined me again n again.. where I seeked his face again n again.. repeated in the nights I cried only to him.. I longed to see his face.. I longed to be with Him.. I longed for his will to be done in my life..
I praise him for guiding me in all my decisions.
I praise him for bringing me to adelaide.
I praise him for giving me trials and showing me his glory.
I praise him for his everlasting love and sustaining me till now.
I praise him for changing me so much.
I praise his presence in my life.
I praise him for the person he is.
I praise him for all my friends and family.
BUT above all, I praise HIM because he is God. He is in Control.
This link below is the link to the blog for our mission trip in Dec. Do check regularly for more updates.
http://ocfsydneymissions06.blogspot.com/
--
The last few days, I have been spending time with leny, kehong, yao chai, jessie, kiki, weijian, and their housemates. I spent the bulk of my time with them.. I just got to know them recently but they had brought joy in my life.. I was supposed to have dinner with them last night.. Kehong n yao chai r cooking last night.. but in the end I didnt go.. I dun feel well.. both spiritually n physically.. I needed much rest.. I wanted to spend time with them but still I couldnt go.. I knew I cannot stretch myself anymore otherwise it would be drainning for me.. Kiki left for home last night too.. I miss her.. really.. thought I dunno her for long but everytime I see her, my heart is so warmed by her.. hopefully I can still see her next year..
--
Lydia n I went to Marion on tuesday but dunno y.. both of us didnt really enjoy the trip.. especially me.. I just was not in the mood to shop.. but we did talk alot n I shared with her many things.. I am glad she was with me then.. yes.. I was glad..
We went to samuel's place after shopping. Mel was cooking for Mo, leeping n yoshi. I wanted to help but in the end didnt help much. I was just sinking on the sofa too tired to get up.. I was mostly stoning.. until Aaron came then we talked quite a bit.. so largely.. tuesday was spent with the Wong family ( Lydia and Aaron.. hahaha).
Went with Mel to deliver dinner n fruits for them.. Leeping wasnt home.. hope she isnt too stressed.. Saw Mo n Frank.. Both looked happy n less stressed.. so glad.. then popped by yoshi's place.. she looked tired.. but for all of them now exams r over.. they made it.. God is faithful..
Then after that I went back to Leny's place to cook dinner.. I enjoy cooking dinner for them.. I just feel so at home at her place.. I like their company.. I will definitely miss them when I go home..
--
Yesterday wasnt a good day for me.. I woke up feeling torn apart.. Thank God, Mel was on msn.. I just poured out my heart to her.. she has been there for me the last few days... giving me advice and praying for me.. I am very comforted.. God has been speaking to me through her and samuel.. reaffirming wat God has already placed in my heart..
I felt better after that.. went out with samuel n lydia in the afternoon.. shared with samuel much stuff God has for me.. But after that I was distracted .. my thoughts were with God.. I had to leave so that I could be alone.. I recalled many things in that 1 hr I was away.. many many things that God blessed me.. many many things he brought me through.. it was as if God placed them on powerpoint slides.. showing me how he brought me through everything n he is sufficient for me.. I was in tears in the end.. he planted some scriptures in my heart the past week.. planted them deep in my heart n he was consistently reminding me of them.
I came home for a long rest after that..
Hebrews 13:5
"Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you."
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.
--
Gonna go back n sleep again soon. Meeting Tina for lunch today.. need her advice on some stuff.. need to discuss.. need to pray.. but in the morning.. I got to go n defer my airticket.. Hope to fly on 30th Nov home instead.
Afternoon will be fun.. meeting at samuel's place with Mey, Mel n lydia.. for christmas party planning for our connect grp.. it will be a great time..
Think I will be home early tmr.. got to tidy up my room.. oh so messy..
I praise him for guiding me in all my decisions.
I praise him for bringing me to adelaide.
I praise him for giving me trials and showing me his glory.
I praise him for his everlasting love and sustaining me till now.
I praise him for changing me so much.
I praise his presence in my life.
I praise him for the person he is.
I praise him for all my friends and family.
BUT above all, I praise HIM because he is God. He is in Control.
This link below is the link to the blog for our mission trip in Dec. Do check regularly for more updates.
http://ocfsydneymissions06.blogspot.com/
--
The last few days, I have been spending time with leny, kehong, yao chai, jessie, kiki, weijian, and their housemates. I spent the bulk of my time with them.. I just got to know them recently but they had brought joy in my life.. I was supposed to have dinner with them last night.. Kehong n yao chai r cooking last night.. but in the end I didnt go.. I dun feel well.. both spiritually n physically.. I needed much rest.. I wanted to spend time with them but still I couldnt go.. I knew I cannot stretch myself anymore otherwise it would be drainning for me.. Kiki left for home last night too.. I miss her.. really.. thought I dunno her for long but everytime I see her, my heart is so warmed by her.. hopefully I can still see her next year..
--
Lydia n I went to Marion on tuesday but dunno y.. both of us didnt really enjoy the trip.. especially me.. I just was not in the mood to shop.. but we did talk alot n I shared with her many things.. I am glad she was with me then.. yes.. I was glad..
We went to samuel's place after shopping. Mel was cooking for Mo, leeping n yoshi. I wanted to help but in the end didnt help much. I was just sinking on the sofa too tired to get up.. I was mostly stoning.. until Aaron came then we talked quite a bit.. so largely.. tuesday was spent with the Wong family ( Lydia and Aaron.. hahaha).
Went with Mel to deliver dinner n fruits for them.. Leeping wasnt home.. hope she isnt too stressed.. Saw Mo n Frank.. Both looked happy n less stressed.. so glad.. then popped by yoshi's place.. she looked tired.. but for all of them now exams r over.. they made it.. God is faithful..
Then after that I went back to Leny's place to cook dinner.. I enjoy cooking dinner for them.. I just feel so at home at her place.. I like their company.. I will definitely miss them when I go home..
--
Yesterday wasnt a good day for me.. I woke up feeling torn apart.. Thank God, Mel was on msn.. I just poured out my heart to her.. she has been there for me the last few days... giving me advice and praying for me.. I am very comforted.. God has been speaking to me through her and samuel.. reaffirming wat God has already placed in my heart..
I felt better after that.. went out with samuel n lydia in the afternoon.. shared with samuel much stuff God has for me.. But after that I was distracted .. my thoughts were with God.. I had to leave so that I could be alone.. I recalled many things in that 1 hr I was away.. many many things that God blessed me.. many many things he brought me through.. it was as if God placed them on powerpoint slides.. showing me how he brought me through everything n he is sufficient for me.. I was in tears in the end.. he planted some scriptures in my heart the past week.. planted them deep in my heart n he was consistently reminding me of them.
I came home for a long rest after that..
Hebrews 13:5
"Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you."
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.
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Gonna go back n sleep again soon. Meeting Tina for lunch today.. need her advice on some stuff.. need to discuss.. need to pray.. but in the morning.. I got to go n defer my airticket.. Hope to fly on 30th Nov home instead.
Afternoon will be fun.. meeting at samuel's place with Mey, Mel n lydia.. for christmas party planning for our connect grp.. it will be a great time..
Think I will be home early tmr.. got to tidy up my room.. oh so messy..
Saturday, November 11, 2006
This morning just as I was waking up.. God reminded me of this verse. His timing is perfect.
Philippians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
He made me still before Him.. therefore I will..
I was mediating on Psalm 139 before bed last night n the words truely comforted me n I slept well knowing that God is on the throne. He will not let any harm come to me.
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
Everything has been planned by God.. N he will guide us through it.. stand firm under all trials and in all ur ways seek n acknowledge Him.
Philippians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
He made me still before Him.. therefore I will..
I was mediating on Psalm 139 before bed last night n the words truely comforted me n I slept well knowing that God is on the throne. He will not let any harm come to me.
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
Everything has been planned by God.. N he will guide us through it.. stand firm under all trials and in all ur ways seek n acknowledge Him.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
The last few days for me was horrendous.. All I had was God with me.. nothing else.. actually he indeed is sufficient for me.. been alive after these few days is great.. I had my first paper on Monday.. not a fantastic paper.. Sunday night n Monday morning I was encouraged by several sms n calls which I received. I had a peaceful night of sleep after praying n committing everything onto the Lord. I know that a lot of people r praying n more importantly I have the confidence that God is there. today had my second paper which was much better.. in the sense I have more confidence that I can survive.. the last few days I only did a few things.. eat ( only when I am really hungry.. but not much appetite still.. skipped dinner last night though Leny cooked for me.. just totally had no appetite at all..), sleep, study, pray ( prayed so much.. cos I was worried not only for myself but for some people whom I am concerned about n whom I have always kept in my prayers consistently, I being a human seriously I cant help them only God can. I flooded my mind with Psalms.. especially during the times when I was almost breaking down..times when I refuse to turn to anyone except God n God alone). I was anxious.. yes .. I was.. Last night I was actually hoping that someone who would sms me a word of encouragement.. noone did.. but leny was there with me the whole night.. I really appreciate it.. it means just too much to me.. sometimes during the exam nights I would get really stressed n uptight at night.. I would feel scared though I know that I need not be ( thats wat I would call the panic attack).. because my future is determined by God who knows my every step.. I shouldnt panic at all.. not at all.. there is nothing I can do to change the wonderful and perfect future which God had already determined for me though there would be hurdles upfront.. I should n I will march forward.. the eternal reward is at the end.. this morning I had breakfast with jessie.. she had a paper today too so we decided to go off together with another 3 others from the village..so had a cool walk with them to the exam hall.. I wasnt stressed.. just prayed along the way and submit everything to God.. indeed I have tried my best.. if God willing... he will let me through it..
To Mo n Deb, thanks for the sms this morning.. u guys brightened my day ..
Many people flood my mind the last 2 weeks.. I guess u know who u r .. the people I called .. the people I sms or msn.. its u guys..
I cooked fish porridge just now.. n herbal soup with pork n carrot..hehe.. need to have some good food.. starting revision on chemistry soon.. in an hour.. got to rest my brain first..
Psalms 18
1 I love you, O LORD, my strength.
2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
3 I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,
and I am saved from my enemies.
6 In my distress I called to the LORD;
I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears.
17 He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
18 They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the LORD was my support.
28 You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning;
my God turns my darkness into light.
31 For who is God besides the LORD ?
And who is the Rock except our God?
32 It is God who arms me with strength
and makes my way perfect.
33 He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he enables me to stand on the heights.
34 He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
35 You give me your shield of victory,
and your right hand sustains me;
you stoop down to make me great.
To Mo n Deb, thanks for the sms this morning.. u guys brightened my day ..
Many people flood my mind the last 2 weeks.. I guess u know who u r .. the people I called .. the people I sms or msn.. its u guys..
I cooked fish porridge just now.. n herbal soup with pork n carrot..hehe.. need to have some good food.. starting revision on chemistry soon.. in an hour.. got to rest my brain first..
Psalms 18
1 I love you, O LORD, my strength.
2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
3 I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,
and I am saved from my enemies.
6 In my distress I called to the LORD;
I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears.
17 He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
18 They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the LORD was my support.
28 You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning;
my God turns my darkness into light.
31 For who is God besides the LORD ?
And who is the Rock except our God?
32 It is God who arms me with strength
and makes my way perfect.
33 He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he enables me to stand on the heights.
34 He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
35 You give me your shield of victory,
and your right hand sustains me;
you stoop down to make me great.
Saturday, November 04, 2006
I am captured by the words.. by the song.. by u my Lord..
THE POTTER’S HAND
Beautiful Lord, wonderful Savior
I know for sure all of my days are
Held in Your hand
Crafted into Your perfect plan
You gently call me into Your presence
Guiding me by Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord
To live all of my life through Your eyes
I’m captured by Your holy calling
Set me apart
I know You’re drawing me to Yourself
Lead me Lord I pray
Take me, mold me, use me, fill me
I give my life to the Potter’s hand
Call me, guide me
Lead me, walk beside me
I give my life to the Potter’s hand
THE POTTER’S HAND
Beautiful Lord, wonderful Savior
I know for sure all of my days are
Held in Your hand
Crafted into Your perfect plan
You gently call me into Your presence
Guiding me by Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord
To live all of my life through Your eyes
I’m captured by Your holy calling
Set me apart
I know You’re drawing me to Yourself
Lead me Lord I pray
Take me, mold me, use me, fill me
I give my life to the Potter’s hand
Call me, guide me
Lead me, walk beside me
I give my life to the Potter’s hand
Friday, November 03, 2006
I may have hurt someone unintentionally today. I saw someone that I didnt expect to see and I wasnt in a condition to see. I am feeling all the stress now and I really didnt want to meet anyone that would add more stress to me. Certain times things happen but we dunno it. I really need to protect myself at this moment from all external things thats affects my spirit. It wasnt easy for me to decide to come to OCF tonight. I m down.. very stressed n there is still loads to be done.. I am afraid ..very afraid in fact.. But still I came .. noone forced me.. its by the spirit of God. I really felt led in tonight's worship. My tears just flowed. God is just so near to me. My spirit is comforted n I feel ready to carry on..
I enjoyed tonight.. from the worship to devotion to praying with keith.. felt the presence of God evident .. Praying by the spirit .. I know u r ever there and ever for me..
For those having exams tmr.. we are praying for u.. for Justin, Ian, Kazu, Handy, Leny and Phyllicia..
Mel, thanks so much.. what u did through the spirit for me is beyond description.. I love the Psalm ( student version ) and all the songs.. Thanks dear..
*HugZ*
Another Note to all : Psalm 34 has always been my favourite Psalm.. Have a look.. meditate on it.. It will do u good..
I enjoyed tonight.. from the worship to devotion to praying with keith.. felt the presence of God evident .. Praying by the spirit .. I know u r ever there and ever for me..
For those having exams tmr.. we are praying for u.. for Justin, Ian, Kazu, Handy, Leny and Phyllicia..
Mel, thanks so much.. what u did through the spirit for me is beyond description.. I love the Psalm ( student version ) and all the songs.. Thanks dear..
*HugZ*
Another Note to all : Psalm 34 has always been my favourite Psalm.. Have a look.. meditate on it.. It will do u good..
Thursday, November 02, 2006
People comment abt me alot.. whether in front or behind my back.. I know it.. it may seem to them that its within 4 walls or just among them.. but somehow news just reaches my ears on and off.. I find it a joke..comments abt all sorts of stuff.. comparing this n that.. wats constructive abt that?? I find it a total joke.. just because I am a real person who says whats on my mind .. I get all this crap.. amusing I find.. while on the other hand .. the rest of the look so strong in spirit n in mind.. I dun believe all that.. its just deceptive feelings we all get.. We are just afraid to look vulnerable..
I withdrew from some people this sem not cos I dun have time.. but rather the words are destructive n I have a choice not to listen to people who compares me with so and so.. or instill in me negative thoughts which do not come from God..
I rather save myself from such nonsense.. Waste time only..I will not destroy my day because of them.. Silly..
I withdrew from some people this sem not cos I dun have time.. but rather the words are destructive n I have a choice not to listen to people who compares me with so and so.. or instill in me negative thoughts which do not come from God..
I rather save myself from such nonsense.. Waste time only..I will not destroy my day because of them.. Silly..
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