Today so many things happened.. Where should I start?

I woke up early today.. about 6.20am. I slept over at Samantha's place last night. Had a long long chat with her on many topics. Exchanged thoughts.. after not meeting or talking for more than a month..there is much to catch up.. I enjoyed the time.. chat till 2am then we went to bed..

I was at yoshi's place this morning.. was with addielle and yoshi.. we were deep frying the fish fingers n nuggets.. but we were chatting most of the time.. sharing our thoughts.. I laid my thoughts n struggles before them just as I laid them bare before God.. I laid them bare before my sisters....I made no effort to hide.. no effort at all.. I love the both of them.. alot alot.. they know I do and God knows..

I shared with them the struggles of the past week.. how God wanted me to retreat from everything so that I could commune with him.. How I desire him and how much I needed him n the rest he could give me that noone else can give.. God spoke to me everyday in the past week in times when I least expect him.. he whispered something in my ears.. he wanted my whole heart not part of my heart..

2 days ago was friday, I spoke with Aaron, Paul, Ivy n Mo regarding bs leading next yr. I said that I do not want to lead bs next yr.. I said all sorts of things which now I find very self centred. I saw their anxiety in some of their faces but I didnt care.. in my mind, I wanted to do discipleship next yr.. I wan to concentrate on building myself up.. I want to go onto a higher level with God.. I needed a year off to rest so that I can proceed at greater extends n greater measures with God.. My heart desires to do more for him.. I wanted to consider bsf next year.. I wanted to consider the mission trip which siew wai is planning.. so much stuff I wan to accomplish but at my own pace. I need enough rest. God doesnt want me to strain myself or tire myself out from ministry.. My final reply to them was I will only lead if I get clear instructions from God.. otherwise I will take a year of rest from ministry.. N I mean every word I say..

Even up till 8.30am, when I was talking to addielle n yoshi.. I was still emphasising on what I said on friday.. My mind was still set on not leading bs..n I still had several demands on my group, my coleader or leader and the study we r doing.. I was just so demanding.. until I cannot stand myself also..haha.. but God has his way around me and indeed his ways r higher than mine.

I went to AACC with yoshi this morning.. I was immersed in the worship n even now the sermon n how God spoke through the sermon is still in my heart, my mind n my soul. I am still saturated with his word..

That sermon by Uncle Vincent fired up my spirit once again. God used him mighty to speak to me. I was touched to the point that I broke down in the end.

This is what God said to me at 10.30am:

Pris, this is my will in ur life to lead bible study next yr. I will prepare u in the next 3 months. I will give u more rest than u need. Seek me always, I will be sufficient for u. Trust me and come to me.

His words r still ringing in my mind. I know its a confirmation from God after being praying n thinking abt it the past week. I knew this thought is not from me.

I broke down n cried.. I willingly submitted to his will. I choose not to run away. Its foolish to run from the Almighty God. At that moment, Yoshi, keith and Aaron was with me. Yoshi was visibly touched by God too. Myra saw us.. she came over put her hands on my shoulder n prayed for me..

Just want to do a comparison between Pris at 8.30am n Pris at 10.30am

8.30am

I am unwilling to lead bs.. not only unwilling to be the leader.. not willing to be the coleader as well ( I was determined on taking one year of rest )

10.30am

After God spoke, I was willing to be used by him. I dun mind being the leader, the coleader, the member or even his servant in all aspects. ( As wat Aaron said, thats a 180 degrees change)

8.30am

I was only willing to work with certain leaders cos I have always needed a leader whom I can learn from and I m demanding of my leader, very demanding in fact. I respect all leaders but some leaders I respect more n I always observe them n I have greater expectations.

10.30am

All of a sudden, I am willing to work with any leader, be in any group.

I m amazed by this change, so is Aaron n yoshi.. its a huge change n only God can make that change.. I heed his calling.. I choose to obey him.. I choose to trust him, to love him, to give him control..

Its the best thing I did after the exams.. God is wonderful.. so wonderful.. he deserves it all..

My mind is so peaceful.. indeed it is.. after been so turmoil for so long.. as wat I told lynette the last few days it was a emotional shipwrecked.. I was struggling with the decisions I should make.. But God has made the choice for me.. I delight in him..

I am so motivated to live life to bring glory to him.